so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
