He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
