Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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