My first STD was from a foam party
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
