you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
