so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
