So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize