dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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