Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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