the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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