I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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