please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
