Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
