Im at strip club and am horny
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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