She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I believe in your delicious
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
