How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i already hear my dad disowning me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
