She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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