I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
