we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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