So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
