im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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