...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
