i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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