I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
