I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
