Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize