I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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