Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
