Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
