He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
