thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
