I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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