i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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