these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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