think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
