Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
