sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
