But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
