you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
