6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
