There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize