why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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