Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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