Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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