I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
