every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
