if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
