Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
