The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize