ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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