I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
