did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
