They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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