I just made out with a guy for $7.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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