sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
