I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
