I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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