why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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