btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
