worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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